I am remembering some of the things I can refer to as “achievements” that I never included in my CV or discussed. One of the reasons is that I cannot prove these, but I know the results were due to my efforts. Nevertheless, recalling these things makes me feel good about myself.
There was a quote I read while I was studying for my master’s degree, but I cannot find it now. It said something like “those trying times will be good old days later,” reminding us to cherish the moment. Yes, it was very painful to go through the study period with exams, papers, deadlines, daily readings, and classroom discussions. However, now, I truly miss those days, and all I have are good memories.
The same goes for my past jobs; I remember them as good old days now. There were painful moments, but the good times outweighed them. I only regret the times I failed to try or failed to be patient with the situations. Like a fish that cannot see the water, sometimes, I could not see the real situation I was in.
Recently, I mentioned “hidden biases” to a friend, and she agreed with my words and responded with the term “microaggression.” This word is entirely new to me, so I looked it up and thanked her. With her sociology background, that word is very common to her but not for me.
"Psychologist Derald Wing Sue defines microaggressions as “brief, everyday exchanges that send denigrating messages to certain individuals because of their group membership.” The persons making the comments may be otherwise well-intentioned and unaware of the potential impact of their words." This is a direct quote from Wikipedia.
Yes, I believe, what I faced from time to time were microaggressions, but I did not know the term until then. I think it is because I am a woman, or I tried to give space to other people and let them win and be happy most of the time, which made people think I was a doormat. Or perhaps it’s due to my minority personality type and my likes and dislikes being different from the majority. Maybe it’s due to my “too honest” mouth. Maybe it’s all of them.
I noticed I cannot lie since my childhood. One time, I remember, I tried to lie to my mother about something I cannot recall now. Within 24 hours, I told her the truth. I think I was around 10 at that time.
There was a time I needed to lie about something, and I needed to take time to mentally prepare for that. It was an essential situation, and almost everyone was doing that at the time, but I felt very uncomfortable, and it took over a month for me to recover from the emotional turmoil.
After practicing regular meditations for a period of time, I decided not to kill even insects and not to tell even a white lie. It was hard at the beginning, but later, I got used to it.
Just some of the memories of the past came into my mind this morning.
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| image created with an AI |
