Holding On and Letting Go!

Today, both my body and mind are urging me to take a break. I told them to wait just 30 more days, and they’d get the well-deserved rest they crave, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I decided to take breaks both in the morning and evening, while still keeping my two-hour job-related meeting.

I feel like a woman deeply in love with a man who can’t commit to her. No matter what others say, she blocks them out. You can’t commit to someone or something that doesn’t want your commitment, but when you're so in love, you cling to hope against all odds. I’m trying to talk myself out of this, but I know I’m still in love. However, I trust that time will heal me.

Tomorrow, I need to take care of a few volunteer commitments I promised to help with—maybe just an hour—and then I’ll rest. After these 30 days, I’ll rest, travel, and enjoy life for at least a month before taking any next steps. I haven’t had a break like that in four full years. That’s a promise I’m making to myself—I do deserve it.

The thing I’ve been postponing for nearly two years is also demanding my attention, and I’ve started looking for information. I’m still hoping for some kind of miracle that will make it all go away so I don’t have to face it. Part of me hears the alarm, but another part still wants to ignore it. I know I’ll have to deal with it sooner or later, and I need to prepare myself mentally and stop waiting for miracles.

These are just some of my conflicting thoughts this evening.

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