Loving Who I Am!

Yesterday, I decided to go out and work again. I ate my usual soup at the same place and then went to my regular café, where I sat and worked for a while. During lunchtime, the café is usually packed, but after a while, it becomes almost deserted. The staff are friendly and trust me completely. I often take all my belongings with me when I go to the restroom, without paying for food and drinks yet, and they’ve never been suspicious of me.

I've been to the café about four times now, and we’re becoming familiar with each other. I was very productive and managed to complete three times the amount of work I usually do at home. I've decided to fully rest this weekend because next week will be hectic with emotionally draining plans, so I need a break before that.

I was watching YouTube videos on basic makeup concepts and found myself wanting to try them out. So, I put on some makeup and concealer before going out, but I felt very awkward. I thought I looked worse instead of better, as the makeup seemed to highlight the flaws in my face. My skin isn’t as firm as it used to be, and I found myself envying the youthful faces I saw along the way. I noticed that about 80% of the women I passed were wearing makeup, and I reminded myself that it’s perfectly normal for women to wear it.

Lately, I haven’t been sleeping much, and I feel like I’ve aged quickly over the past few months. This is an area I need to improve immediately, as it's affecting not only my appearance but also my physical and mental well-being. I took a few selfies to document how I looked that day. The last time I took selfies was just a few months ago, but I already feel like I look much older now.

Well, what can I do? I must accept it and love myself unconditionally. On my way home, I reassured myself that I will love myself no matter how I look. I’m learning to fully accept my 20 extra pounds, the noticeable fat around my abdomen, the few white hairs on my head, and the loss of firmness in my face. I know I’m luckier than many people my age, and I should be grateful for that.

A friend of mine, who is 10 years younger, told me she’s been in menopause for two years. I’m lucky that I still have a certain level of estrogen. Once it’s gone, I’ll lose more skin tone in my face, so I need to make sure I enjoy this moment of my life. I’m not perfect, but I’m okay. I love myself unconditionally. Yes, I do. I will love myself until the end, and I promise I’ll never mistreat myself like I have in the past.

I’m grateful for this life, grateful to be me, and I will focus on my strengths rather than my weaknesses going forward. This is the promise I made to myself yesterday.

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