The Quiet Enemy!

This morning, I was reflecting on a quote by Sylvia Plath, a poet who tragically took her own life. She said, "The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt." I believe this applies not only to creativity but to every area of our lives. Our own self-doubt is often our greatest enemy.

That's why bullies, gaslighters, and various types of abusers use tactics that make their victims doubt themselves. It’s a way to turn a person against themselves, requiring little effort from the abusers over time. It’s like cancer cells, growing from your own body, spreading quickly inside and destroying you.

I’ve noticed that the narcissists I’ve encountered throughout my life are successful partly because they love themselves so much. They abuse others without appearing to feel guilt or regret. They always have a justification for their lack of empathy, but in public, they pretend to be full of compassion and sympathy. I think their self-assurance keeps them from doubting themselves or their actions, which might contribute to their success. While we shouldn't become narcissists, there may be something to learn from their self-confidence.

Recently, I watched a video showing the domino effect. It demonstrated how one tiny piece can topple much larger, heavier objects. I first learned about this concept in my 20s from one of my siblings, though I don’t remember which one. It was featured in a music video I liked, and that was my first introduction to the term.

Indeed, small things can shift your life in both positive and negative directions. One success can lead to another, just as one failure can lead to more. Yesterday, I noticed that the thrill I had been feeling was starting to fade, replaced by anxiety about something I’m trying to accomplish. Once again, I found myself doubting.

To combat this, I’ve increased my meditation to three times a day, just 15 minutes each session for the additional two times, in hopes of steadying my mind. I’ll have to wait and see how effective it is.

Throughout my life, I’ve been gaslighted frequently, and counteracting it has never been easy, but I’m still trying. With a heightened sense of awareness, it gets easier over time, though I can still feel traces of it lingering. I wonder what it would be like to live without any self-doubt at all—is that even possible? Perhaps everyone harbors a little self-doubt, unless they have certain mental health conditions, like grandiose delusions.

Maybe a healthy level of self-doubt is normal, and as long as we keep it within optimal bounds, it won’t drastically affect our lives. These are just some of my reflections on self-doubt today.