Love, Rethinking!

Recently, I read an article based on research which suggested that love is not an emotion. The article argued that love persists longer than an emotion can and should therefore be considered more of an attitude, a script, or a motivation, thus being similar to craving, lust, hunger, and thirst.

The article also challenged earlier studies linking love with certain hormone productions, claiming that concepts like a "love brain region," "love neurotransmitter," or "love hormone" do not exist.

Despite our efforts to understand love scientifically, it remains elusive. According to Buddhist beliefs, love is one of the illusions we humans have. Yet, without such illusions, life might be more difficult.

Reflecting on my life, I've thought more about friendships than romantic love. I believe that without these illusions, coping might have been much harder for me at times. I've been very selective about whom I let close, and I’ve realized that idealizing friends has been more of a problem for me than for them.

I've maintained a few friendships for over 30 years, though there have been some disillusionments in recent years. At a significant time of change in my life, I had two friends much younger than me who helped keep me positive. Now, I see that they were illusions, but I still believe they were essential for my coping.

Regarding romantic love, I’ve witnessed many unpleasant relationships and had my own negative experiences, which led me to a very pessimistic view. However, I have since seen marriages and relationships that work well, where partners are also like friends and siblings to each other. This has made me realize that I misunderstood things in the past.

What we need is someone who genuinely cares for us, who will struggle alongside us, and who remains faithful and loyal through thick and thin. I no longer blame parents for choosing suitable spouses for their children, although I don't necessarily agree with it. Young minds are often filled with illusions about love, and sometimes we are fortunate, sometimes we are not.

I am rethinking and gaining a new understanding of love. I now see that loving-kindness is something we should desire in all our relationships. This is something lasting, and I believe it is not an illusion.

These are some thoughts that came to mind this early morning.

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