She went to a different school, and I visited her school for an event. She was in a play, acting as a boy, and she was so cute. I knew her older sister well, so I sent the love letter to her through her sister. It was so funny. I wasn’t really serious and didn’t actually want to be in a relationship with her—I just wanted to tease her. When we finally met outside, we were both so shy that we didn’t talk to each other. I think I was 14 at the time, and she was 13. That was my first and last experience.
Even though I really enjoy some gay movies about men, I’m not interested in watching movies about female couples. So, I’ve concluded I’m not really into women.
I also remember a very handsome man who once tried to get my attention. He was an actor, a well-known one, though I’m not sure how famous. I knew he had many affairs and relationships, and I wasn’t interested. I just wanted to be the one and only person for an ordinary man. I’m not interested in affairs, nor do I want to compete with other women for a man. I only want a man who will be faithful to me by his own choice. If not, I won’t try, and I’m sure to lose him.
Later, I realized that seemingly ordinary men can be the same. So, I find peace in being alone. I don’t want to suffer the pains of a relationship—unless I find someone who can bring me more peace than being alone, of course.
These days, I’m starting to see that there are only two things I need to bring happiness to my daily life: mindfulness and physical activity. I also have only two main goals left in my life: I want to earn another advanced degree, and I want to reach a point where I can break free from the cycles of human suffering. Sometimes, I forget these goals and head in the wrong direction, doing things that won’t make me happy. So, I have to remind myself of these things regularly.
These are just some random thoughts that came to my mind this morning.
.jpg) |
| Image generated with AI |
No comments:
Post a Comment