The Progress

This morning, I woke up remembering a line from the character Cat Valentine in the Victorious series. She mentioned the number of songs with the line, “What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.” She’s my favorite character, played by the now-famous vocalist Ariana Grande. (I think my memory is a bit messy, and that line might be from Sam and Cat instead.)

I know nothing about Korean movies, but there were times in my life when I was addicted to certain series. Back then, I watched Home and Away and A Country Practice from Australia regularly, as well as iCarly and Victorious from Nickelodeon. I was also hooked on a Chinese series we called Silk Prince for quite a long time. These experiences made me really afraid to start any Korean drama, which is notorious for its addictive nature.

Once, someone mentioned a Korean actress and said I looked like her. I had no idea who she was, and everyone around me laughed. This is one topic I choose not to delve into.

When I subscribed to Netflix, I binge-watched some series, and that’s one of the reasons I stopped subscribing. It was a real waste of time and energy, and emotionally draining too. Not using Facebook has saved me at least two hours per day, and not watching movies has saved me another two hours. I believe I’ve gained four hours daily to myself—without draining mental energy or wasting emotions.

These days, we’re surrounded by so many choices, and our choices can guide us in different directions in life. I could easily spend 2-3 hours per day on movies or social media, but I find it incredibly hard to commit to one hour of daily meditation or just four hours of physical activity per week. Even 30 minutes of writing daily is a struggle. Negative habits are so easy to fall into, but positive habits are much harder to build.

Yesterday was a good day, and I received good news that I had been waiting for so long. I should’ve been happy, but I found myself feeling less excited than I expected, and I was confused by that. Without that news, I’d surely be miserable, so I think I must have some positive emotions after all.

Rather than the emotional highs and lows, I now seek a stable and peaceful mental state, and I’m trying hard to achieve that. I don’t want to be numb like I was before, so I’m working on being aware of my pain and accepting it. I’m still not the person I want to be, but I’m trying. I know I’m very different from the person I was three months ago, and I’m proud of my efforts.

Just recording some of my thoughts this morning.

Image generated with AI