Insights on NPD!

This morning, I realized I need to manage my bad thoughts. I can’t afford to let them ruin my health, and I don’t want my blood pressure to rise again. So, I’ve been trying to mitigate the damage.

Throughout my life, I’ve noticed I have a gift for empowering others. But lately, I’ve been asking myself, why can’t I use that same gift for myself? Now, more than ever, I need to empower myself. When I’ve felt small inside, others still saw me as someone strong. Maybe that’s why I’ve been able to lift others up. But now, it’s time for me to align how I feel inside with how I show up in the world.

These days, I don’t feel so small anymore, even though I’m not confident in everything. I think I’m starting to see myself more accurately. I also realize that for much of my life, I was emotionally dependent on the wrong people—people who couldn’t be happy for others’ successes and who always needed to feel superior. They would hurt others with their harsh words, but if someone bruised their ego, they’d never forgive them. Today, we call them “narcissists.”

Narcissists are skilled manipulators of emotions. They can charm and flatter when they want something, making others feel special. To people who only know them superficially, they seem nice, even admirable. But those who know them closely see the darker side.

I’ve had the misfortune of growing up with, befriending, and working with people like that. It wasn’t easy, but those experiences taught me to recognize narcissists when I meet them now. One tactic they use is to make you doubt yourself, which is why it’s so important to hold onto your sense of worth. They’re experts at managing impressions, often coming across as charming and competent, especially to people in positions of power. They take credit for others' work and downplay their own mistakes, making them seem insignificant or deflecting blame onto others.

Narcissists tend to act differently around those they see as having more or less power. To their superiors, they present their most professional, competent side, hiding their problematic behavior. This creates an illusion of them being highly capable. But with those they perceive as having less influence, they manipulate, lie, and shift blame. They rarely take responsibility for their mistakes, instead painting themselves as victims of others’ incompetence.

These experiences have been challenging, but they’ve also been valuable. Now, I understand the signs. I know what to look for, and more importantly, I know how to protect myself.

These are some of my thoughts this morning.

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